I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
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