I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize