Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
