she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
