I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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