In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
