life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
So vagazzling was a success
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize