How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
