So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
