ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
