She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
