so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
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