I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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