this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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