he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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