he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Do you remember whose house we're in?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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