the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
im calling her cock vulture from now on
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
