im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
