you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
