Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
