a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Randomize
