Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
