How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize