Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
