It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
