But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
