Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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