How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
