You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
he quoted the bible to break up with me
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize