Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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