Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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