hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
