I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
