Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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