I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
