I'm going to jail i love you
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
