i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
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