I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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