She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
