I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
