I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize