the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
