dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
