there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
