I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Randomize
