I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize