if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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