It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
