Your face is a jimmy john
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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