apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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