someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
40s are totally the cure
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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