Duck Duck Cougar?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
