if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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