Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
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