Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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