Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
