none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
