I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
