There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
