Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
