I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize