My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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