We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I have so many feelings about this burrito
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
