my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
