In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I just found puke in my bra..
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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