Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
