the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
