I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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