Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
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