You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I need a beard to bite.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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