my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
