Soap is not a condiment
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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