Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
