I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Just invented taco cereal.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
