How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
