i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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