Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
