Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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