oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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