You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
