so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
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