i permit you to call me
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
