And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
