Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
no you cant smoke seaweed
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
