Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize