I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
