Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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