Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
