You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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