Someone shit on the floor
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
