i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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