Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
