I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
His hands were made for my vagina.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
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