I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
