She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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