Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
