Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Randomize
