And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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