Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
