PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
