ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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