I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
then he tried to convert me to islam
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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