ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
