That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
that may or may not have been my penis.
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