So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize