I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
