okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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