I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
