I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize