I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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